How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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