Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
