if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
