i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i love accidental penises.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
