honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
