How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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