I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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