You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
