You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
vagina is talking i cant
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
