he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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