I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
pop tarts are not kleenex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
