O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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