Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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