Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
