I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
