I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
