I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
