Tell her she can't have a vagina
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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