i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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