hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
