And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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