i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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