Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
