i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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