we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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