I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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