Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
