Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
