I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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