I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
