i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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