no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
