help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
