so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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