This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
