how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
