It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
