but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Boobs are out for the taking
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
