STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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