I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
