Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
