i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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