even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
