She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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