Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
