im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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