theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
