You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
