whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
