Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
