I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
