I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
