I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
