I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
